


The Search Is Over

by Sammynughh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Jared, J-Squared, M/M, POV Jensen, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Jensen, Virgin Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 10:24:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammynughh/pseuds/Sammynughh
Summary: WARNING: MATURE AUDIENCE ONLYSUICIDAL JARED STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING.Angst, Smut, Suicidal Tendency, Epiphany of Love#Cam's Creative Birthday ChallengeTHIS IS NOT WINCEST - IT'S J2.AUTHOR NOTE:For my AU story, Jenson got divorced 2013. Danneel caught him cheating on her with another woman. They have only J.J. and share custody. Jared married Genevieve, but divorced a year later. She couldn't bare him spending all his spare time with Jensen. She also caught him cheating. They tried working through it. He ultimately asked for divorce. He told her it wasn't fair to keep her in a marriage when he didn't love her anymore. Jared has no children.Also know that I truthfully love the wives and children of both Jared and Jensen in real life. This is a fanfic. It's just a story and in no way reflects a hatred toward anyone. Please just enjoy the story for what it is, a tale of pure fiction.IF you or someone you love might be thinking of suicide call suicide hotline:844-359-6685





	The Search Is Over

[Jensen's POV]

I get up to go to the bathroom and find an envelope on the floor by the door of my hotel room. I have no idea who left it or why. Could be a crazed fan. I throw caution to the wind and pick it up.

It's a letter from Jay (Jared):

_Jen,_

_You think I'd be able to talk with you about this face to face. I'm not typically one to back away from a confrontation with you. This really shouldn't be so difficult, but it is._

_I love you Jen. More accurately, I'm in love with you. I have been for years. I know we promised that we'd never get close like that again. I just can't go on without being able to express my love for you. Being near you and not being able to touch you or hold you. It's killing me._

_I don't like ultimatums. So, I'm leaving. The show will replace my character._

_Goodbye Jen. I'll always love you._

_J._

  
"Fuck!" I clench the letter into my fist.

I've been harboring feelings for Jay for years. I honestly thought we had things under control. I've been fine as long as I believed Jay was fine.

He's not fine.

I try calling his cell. "The number you've reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service..." I try again. Same recording.

"Damn it Jay!!" I want to hit something. My head hurts.

I lay down holding Jay's letter in my hand along with my head in both hands. My eyes clench shut as I try to will my head to stop aching.

Arms curl up around me. I smile. "Jay. Where did you go?"

He grips my hand in his as he kisses my bare shoulder. "I'm right here Jen. I will always be right here."

I turn to face him and he kisses me. His hands clutch my face while his tongue explores my mouth. It's a perfect kiss and a perfect moment. I moan at how much I need and want him.

A knock at my door. I wake up. I'm alone. Another banging at my door.

I get up and slide my jeans on. Rub my eyes and flip the light on. I walk to the door. "Who is it?"

"Cliff. We need to talk."

I open the door and let him in. I go grab a shirt and slip it on. "Am I late for something?"

Cliff looks worried. "Have you talked to Jared?"

I shake my head. "You?"

He wipes a hand over his face. "Yeah. He checked himself into a mental hospital last night."

I panic. "WHAT?! Is he okay? Did he try to..." I can't even think it let alone say it.

Cliff grips my shoulders. "Jen. He didn't. That's why he checked himself in. He wanted to, but didn't."

I can't help it. I start crying and Cliff grabs hold of me. I cry on his chest like a child. "I need to see him Cliff."

Cliff just stands there till I compose myself. I stand back and turn away. "I'm sorry about that." I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand. Cliff hands me some tissues. "Thanks." I blow my nose. I'm a mess.

"He can't have visitors for 48 hours. He called me this morning at 5 to take him somewhere." Cliff is looking at his shoes.

I turn and look at him. He looks terrible.

"When I arrived at his hotel, Jared looked like he'd been crying all night. He was a mess. He had written all over his arms in ink. He was on the floor rocking back and forth with a razor in his fingers. Just staring at it like he was contemplating. I took it from him and he fell out of his trance. He picked up a piece of paper and gave it to me. It had the name and address of the mental hospital on it. I helped him dress and took him." Cliff looked so sad telling me this. He never looked up from his shoes.

I'm sitting on the bed and I find myself needing my best friend. "Cliff, can you take me to this hospital? I have a note I want to leave for Jay."

~~~~~~~~~~

The past 2 days have been difficult. I've been worried about Jay. I met with his doctor yesterday and he seems to think Jay will be just fine. He has him on medication that will help with his anxiety. I hope it doesn't change who he is.

I have done some serious soul searching. I finally admitted to myself that I'm in love with him. I have been for years.

I was driving around off in the country back roads. Thinking about my life with Jay and listening to music. I was listening to classic rock and flipped the station to another "oldies" rock station playing songs of the 70s, 80s and 90s. I laughed at my music being called "oldies".

Suddenly a song played I haven't heard in years. "The Search Is Over" by Survivor:

 _How can I convince you what you see is real_  
_Who am I to blame you for doubting what you feel_  
_I was always reachin', you were just a girl I knew_  
_I took for granted the friend I have in you_

 _I was living for a dream,_  
_Loving for a moment_  
_Taking on the world,_  
_That was just my style_  
_Now I look into your eyes_  
_I can see forever,_  
_The search is over_  
_You were with me all the while_

 _Can we last forever, will we fall apart_  
_At times it's so confusing, the questions of the heart_  
_You followed me through changes, and patiently you'd wait_  
_Till I came to my senses, through some miracle of fate_

 _I was living for a dream,_  
_Loving for a moment_  
_Taking on the world,_  
_That was just my style_  
_Now I look into your eyes_  
_I can see forever,_  
_The search is over_  
_You were with me all the while_

 _Now the miles stretch out behind me loves that I have lost_  
_Broken hearts lie victims of the game_  
_Then good luck it finally stuck like lightning from the blue_  
_Every highway leading me back to you_

 _Now at last I hold you, now all is said and done_  
_The search has come full circle, our destinies are one_  
_So if you ever loved me show me that you give a damn_  
_You'll know for certain the man I really am_

 _I was living for a dream,_  
_Loving for a moment_  
_Taking on the world,_  
_That was just my style_  
_Then I touched your hand,_  
_I can hear you whisper_  
_The search is over_  
_Love was right before my eyes_

  
I pulled the car over. I couldn't see past my tears. I remember all the subtle ways Jay reached out to me and I would always back away. I'd reject his attempts to just get closer to me. Why? Fear I suppose. Afraid if I accept his advances, it would change me. I was afraid that these changes could end our friendship or career.

Right at this moment, I don't really care anymore. All I care about is Jay. I more than care about him. I love him. I need him to know that.

I arrive at the hospital. I'm allowed to meet with Jay in a private room. It just a plain room with a table and chairs. It has a buzzer if Jay needs help or wants to leave right away. I was searched and had to leave my shoes, wallet and keys at the front desk. They let me keep my phone.

As soon as Jay walks into the room, I stand up and rush up to him. "Jay." He looks me in the eyes as I wrap my arms around him. He's stiff at first then relaxes into our embrace. My hands move over his back. "I've missed you so much."

He starts crying. He grips me closer. His voice is weak and so tired, "I read your letter Jen. You mean it?"

I kiss his neck not wanting to let him go. "Every word." I pull back from him just enough to look into his eyes. I wipe away his tears. "I love you Jay." He presses his forehead to mine and we stand like this for a while.

We separate, but I still have his hand in mine. I don't want to sit in a chair at the table. I sit on the floor so I can be closer to Jay. He follows me to the floor and let's me hold him with my back up against the wall. I run my fingers through his hair.

I pull my cell phone out and play my epiphany song "The Search Is Over" for Jay to hear. While he's listening, I notice he's holding the letter, our letter, crumpled up in his hand. The ink that was on his arms has faded away to almost nothing, but you can still read it. _"I'm Enough" "Jen wants me to live." "Tomorrow will be better." "Don't give up." "I'm never alone." "AKF"_

The song ends and I look Jay in his tear filled eyes. I say what my heart was feeling from the song. "Love was right before my eyes. I've always been in love with you Jay. Always."

We kiss. A true, deep, lovers kiss. "I want you home with me. Get better and come home." He rests his head on my chest and opens my letter he had crumpled in his hand. I wrote it on the back of the letter he slipped under my door. I wrote:

_Jay,_

_Hang in there. I'm sorry I hurt you. I need you in my life. I can't imagine you not with me. Also, J.J. needs her Uncle Jay. Who else can teach her the fine art of pulling spaghetti out her nose? Please stay. I promise it will be worth it._

_Love Always,_  
_Jen_

  
He takes my hand in his and finally says something. "I'm getting better. I'm sorry I scared you. I know my letter hurt you. For that, I'm sorry. You are the one person in my life that makes me feel whole. I'm learning that I can be a whole person on my own. To be honest, I can't wait to be alone with you, Jen." He looks at me and smiles a genuine smile. I'll be out of here in 3 days. Come get me then. Okay?"

I kiss him. "I'll be here."

The doctor opens the door. I'm sure he was watching us on a surveillance camera. I kiss Jay once more and he leaves.

I return to my hotel room. Even though my obligation in this city is over, I stay until Jay is released from the hospital.

They release him at 4:30pm. I take him to my hotel. Jay was very pleased to see his personal things were brought from his hotel room to mine. He's looking forward to returning to a somewhat normal part of his life.

Once alone in our hotel room, my emotions get the better of me...us. We grip each other tight and kiss.

Jay gasps, "All I've dreamt about is this moment. I want it to last forever Jen. You look, smell and feel just as I knew you would."

I pull my shirt off and then his. I run my hands over his broad chest. He takes a deep breath. I ask, "Jay, have you ever been with a guy before?"

He looks away. I take his face in my hands. "It's okay." My face must be red. My Irish blood could never hide my emotions. I feel so foolish really. "I only ask because I never have. I want this moment to be perfect, but right now I feel like a fucking virgin." I give a nervous laugh.

Jay has the most beautiful blush to his face as he smiles so bright. His hand moves over my chest and I feel chills along my spine. His eyes are a cascade of blues and golden brown. He has me mesmerized. "I've had sex with one guy. I was very disappointed." Jay looks away again.

I lift his chin so I can see his gorgeous eyes. "Why were you disappointed?" He has me curious.

He smirks, "He wasn't you." Suddenly, Jay wraps his arms around me and kisses me. I make the bold move of rubbing my hand against the large bulge needing to be released from his jeans. He gasps into my mouth.

I kiss his lower lip, chin and jaw. "Touch me Jay."

He unfastens my belt. My cock hardens with anticipation. He kisses my neck and sucks at my earlobe while unbuttoning my fly. I sigh with pleasure. "Fuck Jay." He lowers my jeans. He palms my cock that's still tucked away inside my boxer briefs. He's sucking and kissing at my shoulder, neck and collarbone. My fingers play in his soft hair.

I reach under his jaw and pull his lips to mine for an intense kiss. My tongue explores his. Kissing him is better than anyone I've ever kissed. There's no pecks or short back and forth moments. His kisses are long and deep. Sensual kisses with a fluidity that's like poetry in motion. We melt together perfectly.

While kissing, I'm able to get his jeans off and both of us are standing there in only our underwear, hard as hell.

Jay has me get into the center of the bed. I let him take control, since I've never done this. I also like the idea of Jay leading us on this journey. It turns me on being submissive to him in some way. Not that I'd be submissive to him every time.

He removes his boxers and I swallow hard. He's all of 9, maybe 10, inches and has some girth as well. He strokes his cock while looking at me. I can't help but comment, "Jay, baby, you're so beautiful."

He bites his bottom lip. He then climbs onto the bed and right next to me. He rubs over my clothed erection with his long fingers. I moan at his touch. He reaches in and pulls my dick out stoking it. I raise my hips toward his hand wanting more. A groan escaping my lips. His eyes penetrate mine as he lowers his lips toward my cock and takes it into his mouth. "Oh Jay." He sucks and licks on my cock. He swallows it a few times. I'm not as big as he is, but I think I'm above average. Watching Jay take my whole length made me almost want to cum right then.

Jay sits back on his heels. His cock standing up. I take it into my hand and work it. It's the first time I've ever held another man's cock in my hand. Seeing Jay's reaction to my touch. His body tremble and his facial expression is enough to make me want to climax hard. Then he says this:

"Fuck me Jen. I want you inside me."

I'm just stunned. I have no idea how to respond. So, I just say, "Sure. Let's do it."

He laughed at my reaction. "Jen, you're the one that's gorgeous. The look on your face has me so hard right now." He gets on top of me and presses me into the mattress kissing me. I enjoy our foreplay.

He gets up and finds his suitcase. He pulls out a bottle of lube and a vibrator. "This will help loosen me up." My eyes are big at seeing the vibrator.

I'm curious. "Loosen you up?"

He nods. "You can't just dive right in. It would hurt. The muscles need loosening."

I am admiring Jay's gorgeous body. He lays down next to me. I kiss him.

He lubes his ass and the vibrator. I watch him lift his long legs in the air and slowly insert the toy. He fucks himself while I watch like a voyeuer. My cock is so hard, it could drive nails. After several minutes of Jay loosening up, he looks over at me. "Jen, I need you inside me. Make love to me." The way he says it is like he is so desperate for me.

I get between his legs. I use the lube on my cock. "I'm not sure how long I'll last Jay. I'm almost there." I lean over his body and kiss him.

He runs his hand through my hair. "It doesn't matter how long you last my love. It only matters that you're here in this moment with me." His cock rubs against mine as we kiss. His hands move over my back.

I take a deep breath as I get up on my knees. "I love you so much!" I slide my cock inside him slow, but steady.

Once completely inside, Jay grips my ass. "Do it. Make love to me Jen." He has his legs wrapped around my body while I thrust my hips against his ass. The sound of my hips slapping against his thighs fills the room.

He's so tight around my cock. The side of my head is pressed against the side of Jay's. I kiss his neck and ear. We're both winded and gasping. Moans of pleasure escape our lips between "I love you." and "Faster." or "Yes, like that."

I must be doing something right, because Jay suddenly arches his back. Head pressed into the pillow as he cums all over himself and me. I feel his body contract and convulse from the inside as I thrust harder and find my release. "Oh shit Jay! I'm cumming!"

Jay grips my body to himself and kisses me through my orgasm. It's so intense and amazing. My whole body collapses on top of him and he cradles me on top of him. I kiss Jay's chest and hand as he caresses my cheek. "I'm so in love with you Jay. My sweet Jay. I'm never letting you go."

I roll over to my side pulling Jay with me. I'm not singing, but my heart is as I recite the lyrics from our song. "Now at last I hold you. All is said and done. My search has come full circle. Our destinies are one." He kisses me and I brush the hair from his eyes. I hear his heart beating as loudly as I do my own in the silent hotel room.

I decide to actually sing to Jay as I wipe away the tear from his cheek. He's got an amazing glow about him. "As I look into your eyes, I can see forever. My search is over. Love is right before my eyes."

**Author's Note:**

> IF you or someone you love might be thinking of suicide call suicide hotline:844-359-6685


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